Lose Your Addiction To Control
& Enjoy The Gift Of Life
You might find it perplexing. You will find it liberating. “It” is what you do to prevent yourself from living in joy, contentment, love and gratitude.
What you do is resist these marvelous states. The reason why stems from the belief that you need your outer world to look a certain way for you to feel ok within. In other words you believe that how you feel right now must depend upon how your life looks to you right now.
And yet, how your life looks depends upon how you feel!
When you allow these four harmonious energies to rise up from your inner core your outer problems lose their existence in your consciousness and leave you alone. This is because as you maintain your inner harmony you are taking back the power you have given to situations in which you used to lose your inner harmony. This gives you power over them, instead of giving them power over you, and with that power you can cast them away.
My first wisdom teacher used to say that improving our circumstances begins with improving our reactions to our circumstances. As you liberate yourself from the defensive, fearful, stressful ways you react to what you observe going on in your world you also liberate yourself from the circumstances that you would otherwise blame for your unhappiness. Whether you are feeling desperate to hold onto your multi-million dollar net worth or to be able to fill your pantry with groceries, your desperation prevents you from living the life you want. The liberating wisdom here is simply this: stop reacting to what you don’t want so you can start creating what you do want.
Let Go Of Internal Strife
We go into internal states of struggle and strife in an attempt to be in control of our life. This inner mode is all that blocks us from enjoying our life and creating what we want.
We really only have one lesson to learn in life: how to feel filled with joy, contentment, love and gratitude all the time. Every situation that seems to kick us out of this internal harmony is showing us where we need to intentionally practice feeling better, and we can do so, degree by degree, when we make it our number one priority to do so.
We simply need to let go of our attachment to control of our circumstances long enough to feel the harmonious flow of freedom filling our hearts with joy. We need to make feeling in harmony more important than being in control. As we let go of control we can allow our feelings of genuine joy, contentment, love and gratitude to rise up in us. From there we soon find our inspiration arising, driving us joyfully into envisioning and creating more beauty and order in our lives. We find our love expanding with the desire to be a blessing to others, a blessing to the whole world, and we find new opportunities opening up for us to be just that.
When we struggle in internal strife to control our circumstances, ourselves or others we are coming from an inner state of needy lack and dependence. From there all that we can create is loss, lack and need in our lives because that is essentially what we are imposing on every situation and every person that we come in contact with. We are trying to get something instead of trying to give something and inevitably find that approach taking more and more from ourselves in the process. Those who are the most demanding are also the most needy, nervous and unhappy. Haven’t you noticed that?
Shift From Being Demanding To Commanding
Instead of being demanding, be commanding by being in command of your inner self. The command to seek is not that which is sought through control but gained from release. Release yourself from the need to be in control and your higher states of joy will percolate and arise within you.
As it says in the Bible, “To him that hath, more will be given. To him who hath not, more shall be taken away.” When you live in the energies of joy, contentment, love and gratitude you will experience them in more abundance. When you live in the state of anxious inner struggle you will get more of that!
When you live in joy, contentment, love and gratitude you are living in the energy of abundance of all people and things needful. Your circumstances will then soon reflect, validate and reinforce your positive state. You will begin seeing your circumstances transform into conditions that help you to feel even more joyful, content, loving and grateful.
The 4 Components Of Empowerment
Your level of joy, contentment, love and gratitude are the four components of your level of empowerment. The more intensely you feel these harmonious inner states the more empowered, liberated and courageous you feel.
You don’t have to make yourself more powerful to be more successful in life. You merely need to let go of the psychological bondage of habitual inner struggle and strife for control.
The same applies to safety. We get into anxious inner struggle and strife to protect us from what we don’t want. But this never brings feelings of safety, because our feeling of safety is based on being in perfect, permanent control of our external circumstances. When you let go of control and let your happiness arise within you, your feeling of safety arises and expands at the same time. You don’t need to know what is going to happen. You can feel perfectly safe with uncertainty. You no longer need to know what you cannot know.
How To Get Free Of The Addiction To Control
We can call the inner struggle that costs you joy “addiction to control”. It’s an addiction because you are depending upon something outside of you to give you the inside state you want, and in that process engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. The more desperate you are for control the more destructive will be your efforts to get it. You can get free if you are willing to go through the pain of withdrawal.
The pain of withdrawal from this addiction is the anxiety you feel when you do not seek control despite your desperate fear that you need more control. Just experiencing the pain of letting go of control begins your process of getting free, a process that lets your higher feelings of joy to gradually rise up in you.
You can achieve this most easily by gently letting your life be as it is and letting yourself be as you are. Just relax to whatever is going on inside of you, including intense freak-outs. This takes courage, and it goes against your habit-pattern of doggedly struggling for domination over your circumstances. But you can do it little by little, gently, patiently, and find the energies of joy, contentment, love and gratitude gradually arising within you into a natural high.
The More You Want The More Want You Get
Haven’t you observed that the more you want from others the more they seem to deny you of what you want? This principle also works in our relationship with God, life, reality, truth. The moment you experience the feeling of wanting you are entering a condition of lack. The more want you live in the more want you move into! Your outer circumstances always reflect your inner state.
In the early stages of our practice it is challenging to allow ourselves to live in joy, contentment, love and gratitude when we don’t know how we are going to pay our bills, when we don’t know how we are going to find that special person to be in love with, when we don’t know how we are going to advance through the aging process, when we are facing a transition that removes who or what we have perceived as our essential support. Our typical response to these uncertainties is to go into frightening, defensive, stressful control modes.
Learning to trust uncertainty is a new pattern for us, and it goes against the grain of the addiction to control that we learned in early childhood. Letting go of control includes letting go of the credit when things go well and letting go of the blame when things mismatch your desires. It comes from letting go of judgment regarding whatever is happening in your life. Instead of judging a situation, event or person as good or bad, let go of the judgment to simply let yourself feel the joy, contentment, love and gratitude of grace, as if you don’t have to worry about how things are going to work out for you. The more you practice this the more effective at it you will be, and the better you will feel all the time. As you master living in these four inner states through consistent practice you will be able to experience them at will under just about any circumstances. Imagine that! Imagine being able to live in joy, contentment, love and gratitude instead of feeling the crush of crisis marring your inner state with fear and frustration. Imagine naturally exuding courage, confidence and faith. Everyone will want some of you “mojo”.
For What It’s Worth
What is money worth without joy, contentment, love and gratitude? What is having companionship without those four energies? What is being in good health if you feel unhappy, insecure and dissatisfied with your life? Not much. And interestingly, when we unblock our joy, contentment, love and gratitude we find our health, money and relationships matching our heart’s desires.
Here are two practices to help you to recover from the addiction to control and live in internal harmony more unconditionally, more powerfully.
First, on several index cards write down the words: “JOY, CONTENTMENT, LOVE, GRATITUDE.” Then post those cards in front of you where you will see them repeatedly all day and evening. Place one by your computer. Tape one on the back of your phone. Place one on the dashboard of your car. Wherever your eyes look, let them fall upon those words to remind you to let go of your life and let yourself live in those feelings.
Second, take note of the specific situations where you lose them. Does it occur when you encounter the neighbor who is threatening you with a lawsuit for building a fence one inch over his property line? Does it occur when you look at your bills? Does it happen when your kids ignore you? Does it happen when you think about your physical health? How about when you get criticized at work, or when you find yourself alone on a Saturday night, or when your sibling refuses to help out with your aging parent, or when you are looking at a friend’s Facebook post that makes her life look perfect?
Life continually gives us the opportunity to let it flow without our worry, concern or stressful attachment to control. It is constantly giving us the opportunity to grow in our internal liberation, to let ourselves live in joy, contentment, love and gratitude more consistently, more unconditionally, and more completely. What a gift!
Gaining release from our stressful and self-sabotaging control patterns requires the support of an effective and skillful guide. Click here to contact me through my Coaching Website to discuss how I can assist you with The Method Life-Coaching, done over the phone. The results are immediate and guaranteed.
To inspire and empower your workforce or conference attendees, click here to discuss how my keynote on joyful living for greater success can meet your needs.